


Grievances

by ReddChaos



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Swearing, high emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReddChaos/pseuds/ReddChaos
Summary: Taako has it out with Lucretia.  Improv writing with minimal editing.





	1. Chapter 1

Merle is throwing a party.  His house on the beach nice, grand, even.  It's almost something Taako would want for himself, but it's just on the side of  _too much._    _Too_ grand, too opulent.  Too irreplaceable.

Merle doesn't care, of course.  He wrecks what he'll wreck, and so will Taako, as long as it's not on his dime.  But once it belongs to him?  Nah.  Nope.  It's gonna sit still and pristine  _for fucking ever_.  

But it's Merle who's throwing the party, so it's okay to get wild.  As much as he claims otherwise, Merle doesn't really care or seem to care about wordly possessions.  It's a banger of a party, and the whole IPRE crew is invited, plus numerous others.  The grandiose villa is filled with of-age drinkers and party-goers, and for once, Taako just isn't feeling it.

Maybe it's the wine- older than their arrival in this planar system, and super duper sweet.  Maybe it's the crowd of people he only half-knows, and most of them from his time at the B.O.B., or from another of Merle's bangin' parties.  Or maybe it's the fact that it's been almost eight years since the defeat of the Hunger, and he hasn't talked about anything from that time at all.

Sure, he makes jokes.  He makes call-backs, and they're fun, of course, and everyone always laughs, but he's just not in the mood for it tonight.  The crowd of jovial people seems.. too much.  Too happy, and he's just not.  

It might be better if Kravitz were here, but he's not.  "Sorry, Taako," He'd said, "I've got an important mission tonight, but don't worry, love, I'll be back to you before morning breaks."  And he'd smiled, and Taako knew he could believe what his undead boyfriend told him, and went without him.  So he's not, and it's not an option to call upon him- he could put him in too much danger if he called in the middle of a mission.

So he hangs back, sort of sipping the too sweet wine, watching these fucking idiots lose their minds at this stereotypical mansion party.  He hangs back, at the bar, and then at the dance floor, and then he hangs way back, on the balconies overlooking the extravagant beach that Merle so adored.  He hangs back as far as he can, and still he doesn't feel isolated enough to really allow himself to feel whatever it is he needs to feel.  

And he's in this limbo, of feeling and not, when Lucretia approaches.  

It's like the air changes.  It goes from almost-calm and almost-still to anxiety ridden, beyond his control.  Taako knows her voice, so calm and serene and thoughtful, he knows it like he knows his own voice, like any of the other of the IPRE crew.  He lived with them against his will for a hundred fuckin' years, after all.  Age in this world hasn't done anything to undo the familiarity of her voice, but it's not as calming as it maybe once was.  She was once a force of serenity before, but knowing what he knows now, having lived what he's lived, based entirely on her whims and decisions, there's no peace in it for him.

"Some party, huh?" She offers, approaching.  Taako shrugs, looking deceptively calmly into his goblet- ruby studded- while she looks back at the golden light pouring from inside.  "Not much of a party animal tonight, eh, Taako?"  

He's been avoiding her.  He knows that she knows it, that's why she's here.  He's too tipsy to quip and not drunk enough to just duck out cleverly.  She wants him to talk about it, because she knows he's been avoiding her.  

"Nah.  I suppose not."  He lets himself say.  It's not  _revealing_ anything, per se.  It's not a lie, either.  No one can say he's not being honest or avoiding her now.  Lucretia only sighs, though.  Taako knows that that isn't the kind of response she's looking for tonight.  "Lucretia...?"  Taako starts, but almost loses his nerve.

"Yes, Taako?"  She asks enthusiastically.

"Let's go for a fuckin' walk."  

And they do.   The only thing he can do is take charge of the situation, make it his somehow.  If he can only choose the scenery, then so be it. He leads the way out the mansion onto the beach below, where the gold and happy light of the party is just a distant glow.  Only the light of the three-quarter moon illuminates the sand as they tread across it, following the gentle lapping of waves from a small distance.  

"Ask what you want to ask." Taako says first, breaking their relative silence since he suggested the walk.  Lucretia seems startled, looking at him, feeling a thousand miles away despite being arm-in-arm with him as they go.

"Taako.. Why have you avoided me?"  She asks after a long time, as if testing to see if he'll really let her.

"Because."  He says, voice cracking like it does on the regular in that strangely charming way.  But that doesn't really answer her question, does it?

"Taako.."  She sighs.  If she were still just The Director, she could have plied it from him with little work- he'd trusted her, after all.  But she's not.  She's Lucretia, and she's not.  She's both, and he doesn't know how to deal with both.

"Listen.  A lot of shit happened, okay?  And I- I don't know.  A lot of it sucked, okay?  And- and a lot of it was because of you."  She inhales, and his elf ears can hear the squeak of air in her esophagus and he knows she's hurt and that's not  _really_ his intent so he continues in a rush, "And I know that was the opposite of your goals, or whatever.  You wanted to spare us or something while you did what you thought you needed to and listen, seriously?  I get that.  I get doing your own thing, fuck whoever comes along contrary.  I get it.  I just- never..  

I never thought it'd be your thing, too."  

"Taako, I-"

"No, you listen here." He says, and pulls away from their linked arms.  He stares her hard in the eyes, a very un-Taako action, and she's cowed into submissive quiet.  "I  _get_ doing what you gotta do.  But I- I know Lup forgave and forget and that nonsense, but I can't forget, for sure, and I don't know that I can ever fuckin' forgive because of that.  You- You  _made_ me forget.  And I forgot  _so_ much.  

Our world, our jobs, our history together, my  _fucking sister_ , you made me forget my  _fucking sister,_ Lucretia, and- and I was so, so lost without her.  I was- I wasn't myself when I didn't have her.  And I hate that you made me be someone I wasn't."  And he stops, not because he's out of words, but because the emotional charge of what he's already said is too much for him, Taako, who strives so hard to feel nothing at all.  

"I know."  She says, hands twisting together under the long sleeves of the robe-dress she still feels comfortable in, based heavily on their red uniforms from that long-left world.  "I.. I meant to make losing her easier.  I meant to make it- make it  _all_ easier.  I could barely handle it all- I can't imagine how you all felt-"

"How I felt??  You wanna know how any of us felt?"  Taako shouts, interrupting.  "I felt  _nothing_.  You made me feel  _nothing_.  I lost my sister to a void of knowledge, and I felt nothing, and that's  _exactly_ what you wanted.  Now, though?  Now I can't forget how I forgot.  How easy it was to forget her- I didn't want to and she still slipped away like- like fucking water out of my hands, okay?!  I can't forget how she just fucking disappeared from my life and that was okay with me..

And I know- I know that  _no one_ is immune to Fischer's powers, okay, but I never conceived of losing my best fucking friend and sister, let alone forgetting she ever goddamn existed, okay?  So I feel pretty fucking shitty!"  He pants, grimacing, and as he tries to turn away a tear streaks down his cheek, escaping his best attempt at stoicism.  "Fuck!" He stomps, and turns away.

"I hate that I forgot her and that I had no power over it and honestly?  Sometimes, a lot of times, I hate you for taking that and her away from me."

"Taako, I didn't.. I was wrong.  I can try to explain myself til my relatively short life ends, but I know I messed up.  I- I want to make it right.  How- can I even.. are there any opportunities to make it better?  If not between us, then.. in general?"  Lucretia says, asks, declares.  Her heart has ached over what she's done, and though most have declared her forgiven, she hasn't forgiven herself, and she knows that Taako hasn't either.  

"I don't know."  He says, and it's true.  He wants to let go, wants to forgive so it doesn't eat him up every day in the quiet moments that haunt him.  

"I'm sorry."  

" _Fuck_.  I  _know_ you're goddamn sorry, okay?"  He snarls, turning back.  "I know why you did it and how you feel and blah blu-blah blu-blah, okay?  I fuckin'  _get_ it.  I just can't forget what I forgot and how many years it cost, okay?  Okay?  You took a lot from me, dude."

"I didn't  _mean_ to, I just wanted to lessen your suffering, Taako.."  She tries to explain, but Taako stands up straighter, eyes narrower.  

"Lessen?  You only made it worse.  You- You think I  _wanted_ to forget her?  Hell to the fuckin' no, dude.  I- In a thousand timelines, whether I knew she'd come back or not, I'd by  _far_ rather remember her and miss her than forget her and miss her.  I- I still missed her all those years without any of you chuckle-fucks.  I was alone, truly alone, and I'd never been and some part of me knew I should've had her around and- and- I can't forget that!  

You took her from me, let me be someone- no, you  _made_ me be someone I was never supposed to be and forget her and be lonely and sad and horrible!  I- I've always been horrible, but at least I wasn't those other two things.." He tries to joke, but it doesn't fall humorously.  It just hangs, sad, still, the waves rolling in in the background.

"I'm sorry."  She can only repeat, and the fire in his throat is gone.  She's crying, and Taako, despite trying to always feel as little as possible, feels remorse.

"You know what sucks?"  He asks, tucking his arm back in hers,  "I think it all had to happen this way.  If we didn't.. Like, fuck, if we didn't do it this exact way, would we have had this good a result?  I don't know, man.  It eats at me."

"That.. hardly seems fair." She responds eventually.

"Yeah, but at least it shuffles the blame onto someone else." Taako shrugs, sighing.

"But.. but it means we didn't have any power over our lives to begin with- we were always going to fail in the ways we failed, and we were always going to succeed the way we succeeded- I was always  _doomed_ to break up my only family because I thought I knew what was best- I think that's  _worse_ , Taako..  I'd rather know I could have done better and failed than know I never could have done anything differently  _and_ failed.."  She seems pale and weepy and horrified.  Taako is bad at comfort, and he knows it.  He's bad at receiving it too, so at least it's not a one way street.  

"Hey.."  He tries to say it softly, but it comes out like an accusation.  "No, that's not what I meant..  So like...  we still have free will and all that, okay?  I just think that- that who we are, and who we  _were_ \- we were never going to make any other choices.  That'd change our, uh, characters, so to speak.  We're defined by the choices we make, back and back all the way to before we were consciously making choices.  If any one of those choices changed, who knows who we'd be, am I right?"

"That makes sense.  So, what?  How am I still not to blame?"

"Well, I'm getting there, my dude.  We start off lil squirmy babies who make choices based on the most basic ass software we got, and those choices are based on what happens to us at that stage.  Who decides what happens to us?  The other idiots who may or may not have made us.  And their choices are the same, built on past choices etcetera etcetera until the beginning of time.  We can no more, like, change who we've been than we can change the choices that led us there, our or otherwise.

So.. you ended up being who you ended up being because that's how life fuckin' works.  And each of us was always going to end up who we were going to end up because of the choices made for us.  We _could_ have always chosen something different, but because of who we were at the time, we  _wouldn't_ have chosen anything different.  

So yeah, you chose what you chose, and it sucked.  But at the same time.. what else could you have done?  You were pressed against the wall of destiny and it gave you one fuckin' arrow to fly and fight your way out."  Taako tries to explain.  He's thought this through so many times over the years, and he knows he's right.  He knows how Lucretia must have felt, six to one against her, and how when their plan failed she must have thought she was right, that she'd always been right, and that she had to take things into her own hands. 

How many times has Taako done the exact same thing?  How many times did he come out on top because he broke away from other people's plans and expectations for him?  

How could he understand this and still fear Lucretia?

"So, what, Taako?"  She asks, looking at him with soft eyes that stare too hard and she knows they do.

"So.. I don't know.  I could be wrong.  About all of it.  But if I don't look at it like that.." He shrugs.  He doesn't know what he's feeling- he spends so long trying to feel nothing, nothing at all, and all these feelings that keep  _eating_ him- he just doesn't know what to do with it.

"You can tell me if you hate me.  I want you to- I've spent so long wondering if you would, and now I wonder if you do, and not know this, above all else- I- I know how the others feel.  We've hashed it out.  I never hoped for forgiveness from any of you, especially not Lup or Davenport or you and I still  _don't_ expect or hope for forgiveness from you, Taako, but I- I need to know.  I don't deserve even that I suppose-"

"Good  _god_ , woman, I don't hate you!"  Taako sighs, and he stops in the sand, lurching almost as those feelings he hates bubbles up.  He can't name them, but he knows he can't hate Lucretia.  Lucretia, who never did anyone wrong on purpose, who worked so hard to make things better for whoever she met, who chronicled their collective journey and founded not one, but two organizations whose sole intents are to benefit the world.  He can't hate her, but- "I'm just scared."

"Scared?  O-of me?"

"Yeah.  I guess.  And don't fuckin- I better not have Maggie 'I give the best hugs' Burnsides comin' and askin' me if 'I'm alright' or whatever, okay?  Don't tell a- a fuckin' soul!"  He sighs, again, putting his clenching brow in his spare hand.  "You- You hurt me in a uniquely awful way, and I can't let it go.  And I've tried, okay, I'm trying to forgive and forget and move the fuck on b-but- shit, how can I?  We never even got to be really close in all those hundred years but I felt like I could trust all of you above anything?  And I've never trusted anyone like that if they weren't Lup until you guys, and after- even after I met Merle 'n' Magnus in the field I still  _couldn't_ trust them, and I still  _don't_.  It's so cheesy, but I love you guys and I cannot fucking trust you.  God, that's cornball.."

"What can I say, besides.. besides 'I'm sorry'?"

"Tell me.. tell me it'll be okay.  Lie, if you have to.  Just.  Say that everything.. you and me and everybody, we'll all- it'll all be okay and it'll turn out alright and I can trust you.  May-maybe don't lie about the last part."  

"Taako," Lucretia says, her voice that soft gravitas that speaks of unspeakable resolve, formed somewhere between meeting her and now, and she puts her hands on his shaking shoulders, "We'll all be alright.  You can trust me, Taako.  I'm never going to do anything like that again, not to you, not to anyone, but especially not to you."  He can hear she means it, and her startlingly gray eyes mean it too. 

Taako nods, and once again offers his elbow, which she takes with a smile.

And they walk along the beach wordlessly for the rest of the night, and Taako forgives Lucretia, then and there, over the course of those long steps along the wide beach beneath that quarter-moon.  It's hard and it's sad and he never forgets, but from then on, things are a-okay between them.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davenport is at a party. He's spent a long time thinking. He spent a longer time not.

Davenport is at a party.  Magnus is hosting it- some sort of 'last summer fling' thing for the town that's become his home.  Davenport can't remember the name, but he knows Magnus loves it.  He lived here during the.. well, before, and he's been helping rebuild it now that the world was safe from the Hunger.

It wasn't that Davenport doesn't  _like_ the party.  He's enjoyed several with the other IPRE members over the course of their hundred years, and this is a good one, he can tell.   He's not sure if Magnus  _made_ all the alcohol or purchased it and spent one hell of a dime on it or  _what_ , but it is  _damn_ good, and he's had probably ten and a half large glasses of it. 

Still, he's never been the type to brag about his alcohol resistance or get up and dance with the masses.  He's always been a willing and happy-to-be-there-thank-you kind of wallflower.  He genuinely enjoyed watching everyone else party it up, he did.  

Just not tonight.  

Davenport thinks he knows why as he downs the second half of that eleventh glass.  He can see her through the foggy glass as he sets it down on the table; Lucretia.  She's dancing with Magnus, who's red as a grape tomato and three times as bouncy as he swirls his long-time friend, one-time boss through the crowd.  Despite her apparent age, she keeps him on his toes, adding extra steps with a vivacity that enthralls many onlookers.  If Davenport wasn't who he was, it would be a tender and heartwarming sight.

But he is who he is, and it's not.  It makes him sick to his stomach, threatens to throw a coup with the alcohol and ride him out of the party.  But it's dark where there isn't a bonfire to see by, and his darkvision isn't what it used to be.  

So he raises a hand and hails another drink, and that's when he spots Taako.  Taako and his boyfriend, Kravitz, Davenport thinks he remembers.  And Taako spots him and waves, a lull of tipsiness apparent in his almost goofier than normal grin, but it's a rouse.  Davenport can see lucidity in his eyes, just like Taako can see it in his.  And he must see something else, too, because his smile dampens the longer he looks, until in just a few short seconds he's passed his drink to Kravitz, offered some kind of explanation, and is striding towards Davenport with a look of dedication and determination on his face.

"Ah, shit.." Davenport breathes, and tries to get up from the picnic table he's accomodated for the night, but Taako's hands are on his shoulders, pressing him right back down.

"Nah, man, we doin' this."  He says, leaning over and to the side, ears upright and attentive.  Davenport sighs and relaxes back into his seat, lowering his head into his hand as the twelfth drink of the night arrives.  "What's eatin' ya, my man?"  Taako asks as he sits down opposite Davenport, slipping a drink from the tray before the waiter- seriously how did Magnus acquire waiters for an outside party/festival?- moves on.

"You  _really_ don't have to do this, Taako.  I'm fine."  Davenport says, and takes a sip from his cider/whiskey.

"Yeah, and you  _really_ don't hafta lie, my man, because I remember a hundred plus years of knowing you so I know you are sure as I'm not drunk  _not_ fine."  Taako says with an overly charming eyebrow quirk and takes a sip of his cider/whiskey as well.  

"Yeah, okay, I'm not fine."  He admits, sighing again.  "I'm being honest when I say I'm not entirely sure why, though."  It's a bold faced lie, but he does  _not_ want to talk about this.

"Mmmmyeahno.  Try again, buckaroo."  Another sip.

"Ffffffiiiiiine."  Davenport rolls his eyes hard, aggravated but not quite angry.  "Lucretia's here."  And he points to where she's still dancing quite raucously with Magnus.  Of the seven of them, she was surprisingly the hardest partier, if one could pry her from her note-taking.  She was outstepping Magnus by far now, and he is whooping and hollering in support, even though he has to know he's being 'beat'.  

"Shit, dude.  She sure is."  Taako says, eyes half lidded and serious and on his drink after a quick, slippery glance in her direction.  "Sure fuckin' is."

"Yeah."  Davenport says back, his own eyes on his own drink.

"So, uh, what's the beef there?"  Taako asks, and he looks up to catch the elf's eyes for a brief second.  Taako knows, but he also knows that it just has to be  _said_ sometimes.

"Well, she went over all our heads, behind our backs, and took, like, everything from us.  She took your sister from you.  My friends from me.  My- my  _me_ from me.  And she kept me like- like a pet, like a  _butler_.  A servant.  For what, ten years?  Ten fucking years.." He shakes his head and takes a deep drink.  Shit, he thinks, I'm starting to feel it.

"Yeah, man.  What, uh, what was that like?"  Taako asks, opening the way for him.

"I remember everything.  As much as memory will allow, I mean.  I remember being.. fuck, Taako, I was still me but I- It was like it was only ten percent of me?  I was- I was still thinking, it's just that- that so much of my head was full of blacked out, staticy  _nothing_ that I was- I couldn't think very far.  I was stuck.  Sometimes, I still am.  I remember being- being like  _that_ and I can't- I just can't seem to think at all!  Every time I forget something it  _haunts_ me.  And she's just- she's over there  _dancing_ like she didn't steal ten years and my fucking  _mind_ , Taako."  

"I see."  Taako nods.  He nods again after a moment, then downs his cup, slams it on the table, takes Davenport's cup, and downs that too.  "We had a chat, not too long ago, about some shit.  Have you talked about this with her?  Wait- don't even answer, because I know you haven't.  Merle said you only visit if he calls you, and I know for sure as shit is real that you haven't visited anybody else since you got that new fuckin' boat, so.  I know for certain you haven't said shit to her.  

And that's fine.  You gotta roll your own way, that's fine and fair n' shit.  But you gotta talk to  _someone_.  Let's be honest here, I'm not the best 'someone', but hey, even idiot wizards'll do in a sitch like this, huh?"  He smiles a sardonic, bitter smile at Davenport raising an eyebrow and an ear in sync.

"Taako, you aren't an idiot, you-"

"And you don't need to keep this shit inside, mmkay?  So lay it on me."  Shit, Davenport thinks.  Hook, line, and sinker on that one.  

"What am I supposed to do?  What would I even say, Taako?  I was reduced to a shell of myself- people know me as 'The Wordless One', for fuck's sake.  I could only say my name for ten  _fucking **years**_.  I hate my name, I said it so much."  He almost snarls, if not for the tears in his eyes and threatening to close his throat.  "I'm- I don't mind being in the background.  I always was.  I might've been the Captain, but I was just- just managing you all, I think.  You were the ones really leading the way, I was just.. directing you.  Sort of. 

I don't mind not being the center.  I like quiet and calm and order.  You all are chaos, living and breathing change each and everyday within your lives.  I don't mind not being 'The Hero' or one of them that brought down the Hunger.  That- that's all fine.  I hate that- people know our story, Taako, and I'm just.  I'm the 'Wordless One'.  I was- I was a fucking automaton to the world for ten years.  I was- I was barely myself.  I go out and nobody knows who I am.  And sometimes, I wonder... if I even know myself anymore. 

Those ten years changed me.  To navigate the static, my thoughts had to be simple.  Neuro-networking doesn't exactly stop working after the training is over with.  I'm- I'm all here again, but those times, having to think the simplest of thoughts to have thoughts at all- that programming is still there.  It's been another ten years and I- I don't feel like myself, Taako.  I don't remember  _how_ to be."

"That sucks."  Taako says simply, but his empathy is there, as low as it is.  Davenport knows he means it, that those two words carry a world of thought and worry and anxiety and hope and misery.  He nods, and Taako waves a hand for the waiter to come around again.  "I'm sorry about what happened.  I know I didn't do it, but it's.. it's still unfortunate that's the way it all went down, ya know?"

"Yeah."

"You should say something to her."  He says, all quiet and serious.  He avoids looking at Davenport, his hands dancing on the edge of the table, but his mind is all on this moment.  "I did, and I feel like, loads better.  I wasn't even- okay, I was a little mad, and still am, but I don't like, hate her anymore.  I almost did.  Maybe I did, for a little bit.  Never wanted to, tho'."  He shrugs.  "But talking?  That shit deffo helped.  I, uh, recommend it."

"You, Taako, are recommending I talk about my feelings?"  Davenport can't help but point out the irony and laugh, just a little bit.  

"Fuck, I know, okay?  That's so dumb and touchy-feely and blah, but like... it helped." Taako shrugs again.  "Even if  you don't talk about it with her, or me or anybody who knows.. y'know."  

Davenport is quiet for a while, sipping his drink once it comes, and he counts this one as twelve number two, as Taako does the same.

"I don't really want to talk to her about it.  I kinda... ironically or whatever, I want to forget it happened."  He finally says, and takes a long sip of his drink and waits and hopes for Taako to take up the silence.  When he doesn't, Davenport continues, "We had a good thing going when we came to this world.  We worked well together.  We.. we knew each other, in ways I can't even explain.  I mean- would I ever have this conversation with anyone else besides one of you?  I think not.  But then she  _did that_.  She took my mind and our memories and she took Lup from you and- and- I can't unremember it.  Now that I know,j I can't  _unknow_ it.  Lucretia  _did that_.  To me.  To us."

"She sure as shit did."  Taako shrugs.

"That's all you have to say?"  Davenport is more than a little bewildered at the lack of response.

"I mean.. dude, she did what she thought was best.  I can get behind the idea of that even if I hate what that did to me personally.  And, personally speaking, I, uh- well.."  Taako lets out an exaggerated breath of a sigh, ".. I love her too much to let it keep me down.  LIke.. she was.. I never got close to her like I did, say Barrold or Magnus or Merle.  I was never super in touch with you or her.  But I still fuckin' adored you two, and I couldn't imagine living my life without ya'll being apart of it.  Like- like fuck.  I can't.  I really, really can't.  

But I- I had to talk it out with her to start to let go.  And I did- or I started to, and I feel great, now."

"I don't know how to talk to her.  I - I told her I forgave her, Taako.  I didn't, but I just- I wanted it to be over and I thought if I let her think it was all okay then eventually it would be.  I'm just- I'm lucky she hasn't seen through the bullshit."

"Then you deffo need to talk to her." Taako says, wavering.  He's already, somehow, downed his entire drink, and Davenport doesn't know how many he's had.  "Y'know, I- I always wondered how come you were the way you were, like, like that's not a common gnome thing for you to just say your name like, like a broken record 'r' whatever. 

And I thought kinda recently that.. that you and she weren't really that close, you know?  Me an' the others, we got close over time, but you and she both kinda kept your distances.  I'm sure for various reasons, course, but.. that's maybe probably why you ended up the way you were?"  And Taako shrugs and flags for yet another drink.  Davenport leans across the table and lowers his hand, shakes his head at the waiter that was on his way, and pours half his drink into Taako's cup.

"So, what, if I'd've known her better or vice versa she'd not have reduced me to a fucking idiot version of myself?"

"Nah, nah, bro, like... it's not an excuse or me tryina blame you for nothin', but like.. an explanation?  Can you imagine yourself in her mind from what you can guess she knew at the time she started editin' the journals?  Did you two ever fuckin' hang out?  Did you know her at all?  Did she know you?  Fuck if I know..  I mean.. I didn't know you, and I adored ya'll, but... I didn't  _know_ you.  I loved you both an' love you still but did I fucking  _know you_?  I don't know.. and I think that's how things worked out.." He sighs, and downs the half-glass and stands.

"In any case.. I do for realsy recommend you talk to her.  Or think about it, or whatever.  You gotta do you, boo, and if that ain't it," He shrugs, ",  but I hope you feel better.  Love you and all that bullshit." He says, but there's an earnest look to his face as he waves and walks off to find his boyfriend that Davenport can't dismiss.

He looks back at the dancing mass and sees Lucretia, still dominating the attention of the crowd, though much wobblier now.  She must've had a few drinks.  Davenport wonders.. and he wonders if Taako is right.  He hadn't considered- he'd felt himself an open book to the crew during their one hundred year journey, but how much time did he spend with any of them besides Merle, who he understood implicitly and easily after their first year?  

He drank the rest of glass twelve number two, and headed into the dancing crowd.


End file.
